Once upon a time, in high school, I used to write a lot about boys. I was very boy crazy and very inspired. I’ve been crazy in love with the same person for over three years now so angsty prose is a thing of the past. Here are some old excerpts previously posted on my personal blog.
I tried so hard to erase all traces of you from my mind and from my room and I failed at both aspects. There was a note tucked in between a stack of books and I realized that you are better now at surprising me than you ever were. You said you loved me and it had an inside joke, and I remember finding it in front of you and I laughed because you were so bad at hiding things, but in reality you concealed everything. You blanketed your feelings, you let them ferment inside you, then one day you released them and they were sickeningly sweet, rotten to the core. There were things I never thought you’d give a second glance, things that festered in your mind, but you were so right. You were right and I was wrong, but the circumstances are different now. You’re different now, but I’m the same I’ve always been. I am stuck in this period of time when things were blissful and the whispers and stolen glances were so sweet and wanted. Now I feel a knot in my stomach when I see you and I want to purge myself of every memory of you, wiping the past year clean, a blank slate.
So I had learned about the concept of tabula rasa sometime in junior year during my history class, in the wake of a blunt breakup. I wrote this and didn’t know what to title it, until “blank slate” felt familiar. Yeah, using philosophy terms for a breakup. #intellectual